AshleighPaige's Xanga

Update: since it's been a while

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 19:03:04 GMT

It's been a while so I thought I would update everyone on what's been going on. I've been learning so much and growing and it's amazing how fast everything is happening. One thing I realized the other day is that I have never been very good at reading my Bible. First, I don't read it on a consistent basis and second, I don't know how to read it. I'll just flip it open and start turning pages until I find something. This isn't always a good way to go about it, because you miss a whole lot. I started reading Acts, and even though there was some good stuff in there, I was just having a hard time really getting into it. The other day I talked to Angela and told her I was going through a rough time and was dealing with some temptations and wanted her to pray for me and she said she would and told me to read either James or Peter. I flip open to James and the first few verses get me excited. I read the whole book and then reread and meditated on a few different passages. It was exactly what I needed to read and it got me really excited. At one point, I was reading and was so overcome by joy that I had to stop and praise Jesus. I felt him in the room with me and it was the most incredible experience. All I could say is "You are good" and "I love you" I've been seeking a closer relationship with Him, and that happened last night. So yay for good friends who know the Word and can pass it along.
Also I need people to pray. I can't say anything else. Just pray and ask God to bless the situation that I'm thinking of (He's all knowing - He will know what it is)
Other than that, nothing else really exciting has been going on...just living the life of a college kid...being broke, going to class, hanging out with friends.

So peace out for now ;)

I Need Help Interpreting a Dream

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 06:57:53 GMT

I had a dream about a week ago and I need some help interpreting it. I'm sure it's significant and I know some of it but there are still parts I'm confused about. So here goes:

I was on a boat with Casey and Wendy (the pastors of Amy's church) and my friend Ben and we were diving and catching fish. The fish we were catching were white and they were flat. I remember asking "where are we" and Ben told me "were in the Arctic Ocean" and i was like "Alright" lol. So Ben was training me how to catch these fish. To do so, you had to grab this other fish that was black and white and had stingers on it and you had to stun the fish you wanted to catch otherwise it would attack you I guess. The reason we wanted to catch these fish is because they were cold and hungry. After Ben teaches me, we catch a few and bring them up to the surface. Their eyes had a dirty film covering them so we took off the dirty covering (which was brown) and put on clear contacts (doing this was supposed to warm them up somehow although I'm not sure how) Then we brought them onto the boat and once they got on the boat they turned into people. There was one male and 2 females. At one point Casey, Wendy, and Ben leave me alone and the women just sit there but the man keeps trying to lay his head in my lap and I keep scooting away from them. Until they come back and we make sure the "fish" are fine before we release them back into the ocean.

Now the parts I understand are Casey and Wendy represent Godly leadership and It's obviously about ministry (fishers of men) I think the eye thing has to do with either literally healing the blind or spiritually showing them the truth and allowing them to see. I don't know why Ben is the one answering the questions and training me because we don't have a ministry together. We do talk about spiritual things from time to time and have similar view points so maybe that's why he was the one training me. Ben talked to Casey about the dream a few days ago and he said the Arctic represents a hard place and that whatever ministry this is won't be easy.

Anyway, that's all I've got on it right now, if you find anything else then let me know!

peace out

I want what's real

Wed, 21 Jan 2009 05:41:55 GMT

Last semester sometime, I had a dream that is very significant. In the dream, I was at a church camp and there were a bunch of people my age sitting around a campfire singing praise and worship, they were raising their hands, dancing around, speaking in tongues, the whole 9 yards. In the dream I was sitting back, not singing, just observing the other people, and it's like I could see through their act. They looked like they were really worshiping, but I could see that it wasn't real worship. (Meaning they were doing everything right on the surface but I could see that their hearts weren't genuine)
I began praying in the dream, screaming out to God that I want real worship saying "its not real, God, I want you, I won't do what they are doing until I know it's for real"
In my dream I was screaming this out at the top of my lungs, and it was so intense that it woke me up. After I woke up, I began praying and asking God to reveal himself to me more and in a way that I would know it was real.

At the time, I was I guess you could say upset because I think I'm like the only person in my church that can't speak in tongues. But I have vowed not to do so unless I know it's from God. I could fake it, sure, but I don't want to. I felt a sort of pressure from people because I couldn't (and still can't). but it's okay. God hasn't given me that gift yet, and he may never, but I'll be okay with that.

Anyway, all that is in the past and not really where this post is going, but it's background for what I really wanted to say. I've been thinking alot recently about denominations within the Christian faith. Personally, I think they are absolutely pointless and should be done away with. I think as long as we all worship the same God, that should be all that matters. We may worship in different ways, but the core of our passion would still be the same - the love of the Father. How is it that I have friends that are atheist and respect me for my beliefs, but some Christians I know will scoff at me because I take communion differently than they do?

Why can't we just all realize that God is all that matters. Why can't we just read the Bible and focus on the major aspects and not worry about the petty little details.

A song by Misty Edwards says: "I don't wanna build castles in the sand, I don't wanna live in a fairy tale, I want what's real, the knowledge of you."

This should be what we want. Don't build your foundation on anything but what's in God's word, and don't live in this happy little Christian bubble. Search for what's real - Father, Son, Holy Spirit. That's all that matters, seek a relationship with Jesus. Jesus will let us know what needs to be changed and He will show us how to change. He will give us grace when we mess up and He will reveal Himself to us if we are willing to listen.

Anyway, that's all for now, let me know what you think :)

Tis the Season

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 09:22:46 GMT

So, I've been thinking about this for a while and I finally decided to write it.
Now, keep in mind, it's now 4:00 AM and I'm a little out of it right now, so this may not make sense, but I'm going to try anyway.

Since it's now officially the "Christmas Season" I thought I would share my thoughts on this holiday. First off...I love Christmas, I love the cold weather and the twinkle lights, and seeing my family. But recently Christmas has been commercialized.
The first thing most people think of when they hear the word Christmas is presents and shopping...not the birth of Jesus.
Up until about two years ago, Christmas was my favorite holiday, but it changed, and I'll tell you why later.

Before that I would like to share something I thought of the other day. I was driving around, flipping through the radio channels. I flipped to 103.3 and heard Christmas music...it was one of those "modern" songs where they just sing about the fuzzy warm feeling people get at Christmas and about being with the ones you love. And even though I only heard a few notes, it gave me chills because it felt so hollow and empty. Modern Christmas songs always make me feel like that...lonely and depressed....I know it sounds weird, but I think it's because of what is missing...Jesus. They sing of being with a significant other and mistletoe. I've been with significant others during the holidays, and for me...I'm kind of looking forward to not having one this year.

Christmas is not about toys or significant others...it's about Jesus and about family...after all Jesus was born into a family on that day. So this holiday, I'm looking forward to being with my family and having no other distractions. The freedom I feel this Christmas is overwhelming. I still love the old classic Christmas songs. But since the holiday has been commercialized, the modern songs reflect this, and thus feel empty and lonely.

But enough of my rant...I promised to tell you my new favorite holiday

And that is Easter.

Two years ago, I went to Harvest for the Easter service and it was absolutely amazing...it hit me that year what Easter is really about. Jesus rose from the dead after he died for our sins.

Yes, Christmas is a great holiday because it celebrates the birth of Jesus...God becoming man. It's certainly an awesome event and should be celebrated. But Easter to me is just so powerful. We celebrate the fact that Jesus ROSE FROM THE DEAD after DYING FOR OUR SINS!!!
Yes, Easter has also become slightly commercialized, but it's not even close to what has become of Christmas. We dedicate a whole month to Christmas (and it seems like we start celebrating earlier every year)

Anyway, like I said, I'm tired and I've kinda lost my train of thought but the bottom line is...Christmas is great but let's not forget about Easter...and let's try to remember Jesus at Christmas instead of focusing on the presents

peace

100%

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 09:39:08 GMT

I've been seeing recently how complete God's plan is. At the beginning of this year, God was doing some great things in my life and He was becoming the center of my life again and I was experiencing some of His blessings. But even then there were some loose ends...nothing big just tiny little aspects of my life that were left "undone" so to speak. But God is really showing me that He is a God who will fully bless us not just half-heatedly. and that He really does fulfill the desires of our heart.
One example is that after the infamous breakup, I was upset because while we were together we would often go to New Orleans for the day and I really enjoyed that. I like the city and I liked going to museums and the aquarium and walking on the River Walk. It wasn't a huge deal but after we broke up that meant no more road trips. I'm not gonna go by myself and I really don't like going without a guy or a large group of people.
Well this semester Angela was talking about going to UNO and she just recently got accepted. And I got chills when I realized that God remembered the longing in my heart for a reason to go there and that it is fulfilled. The simple act of Angela going to UNO will be a great blessing to her, but the blessing will also spill over and bless other people (like it has me)
Like I said, it's not a huge deal, but God remembered me and was able to fit me in His plan. He will give us the desires of our heart, no matter how small. And the fact that he remembered and was able to open up one door that blesses me and Angela (and I'm sure many more) just prooves this. It's great to think about...makes you realize how important the sheep are to the shepherd.
So this was partly to share my joy and partly to spread joy to others...that God WILL give you the desires of your heart...think about all those things you've wanted since you were young, things that you have hoped for all your life...He will give it to you.

One thing I've always wanted is twins. From a young age I was always fascinated by twins. If I ever saw twins, I just couldn't take my eyes off them. This gives me hope that because God knows that that is a desire of my heart, one day He will provide.

Other than that, I can't think of any big things my heart desires (other than a good husband). I have minor things (that I'm sure He will take care of as well) but it's nothing life changing. So far this year, He's already provided some of the major desires I had in my heart. One being good, healthy relationships with girlfriends. Before, I did have girlfriends, but they weren't good for me to have. I had never had that solid relationship that was beneficial to both parties and wasn't clouded up with drama. A long time ago (my second semester here) I was quite lonely. Mrs. Kathy prayed over me one night and could tell that and she said that she saw me crying but that God would provide close friendships for me. I went over a year without that coming to pass and I was very worried that God had forgotten me, but I've seen this semester that that's totally not true. God hadn't forgotten me, He was simply preparing me and getting His timing right.

GOD IS GOOD
PEACE OUT

Inequality

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 20:50:10 GMT

Inequality...it makes me sick.

We've been studying racial and gender inequality in my social problems class, but I've noticed many other types recently. There religious inequality, age inequality, and even inequality on a more personal level between two people or a small group where there is inequality based on petty differences.

Why can't people realize that we're all just people...doesn't matter male female white black 9 or 90. Why do women start walking faster if they see a black man at night? why do people talk to me like I don't know anything even though I'm a junior in college? why do people think all Muslims are going to blow us up?....and most of all...why can't friends and acquaintances just forgive and forget...let bygones be bygones and move on with life and still be able to respect one another as PEOPLE?

There are no two people in this world that are EXACTLY alike. Why can't people learn to appreciate each others differences instead of hating them?

If someone offends me today, will I still hate them ten years down the road?....NO

This post is on inequality on the macro (big-scale) level and the micro (small-scale) level. Inequality on the macro level (which is where we get stereotypes) is just plain dumb. We watched a movie where these white supremacists were saying all other racial groups need to die simply because they aren't white. Doesn't matter if they're a good person who has a family and kids...they still need to die. That's just crazy. Watching it, I could sense the demonic presence that was controlling these individuals and I prayed that they would be delivered from it before they die. But these men were sitting in jail after having killed someone of color and they were smiling because they thought they were some kind of hero. I personally know that just because I'm white doesn't mean I am superior over anyone. I know that the simple fact that I am a human being means I'm flawed and therefore all people are human and are flawed which would make us all on the same level because of our flawed nature. I know many black people who are more book-smart than I am so that proves that whites don't have superior minds just because of their skin color. My roommate last year was black and she's a nursing major and was taking like 3 sciences in one semester and I admire the fact that she understands all that and could keep up with the material. We're all made in God's image...let me reiterate....ALL. Many people hold stereotypical views and don't even realize it because the society we live in has "trained" us for this. Our racist/sexist views are passed down to us from our parents and grandparents.

And then there's inequality on a micro level. This is more inexcusable because our society didn't "train" us for this. This comes about just out of human ignorance. Say two best friends get in a fight and stop talking to one another. Are they going to throw away their years of friendship over one fight? Can they not move on and realize that even though they have differences they are both still HUMAN? Why can't people truly forgive?

New Prophecy From Church :)

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 05:24:00 GMT

...and it's GOOD :)

sorry if it's kinda hard to follow...it's hard to take spoken words and make them make sense when it's written sometimes.

Peace sister, I speak peace, like just this flood of peace moving into your heart and into your soul. And it’s almost like I see, just, you’ve been underwater for a long time and I see you coming up (gasping for air) and taking this giant breath of air and the water’s just dripping over you, and its like “clarity of vision.” It’s like He’s going to give you vision or He IS giving you vision, I think He’s already give you vision. And you can see clearly some of the things you used to look at. It’s almost like an eye spy picture, you’ve been looking at it but you couldn’t really quite see what you were seeing, and all of a sudden it’s coming out and you’re like “oh, okay, I get it” and He says “okay, now that you see this, let’s add this to it, because then that is gonna be the way that you will walk, that is the path that you will take. He’s gonna give you direction in that vision, and the peace of God, you needed that peace to see. And so He says to tell you “you’re doing okay”

I also heard peace and I saw trickling water like as if snow was melting, and it was the beginning of a waterfall. And for some reason I saw this (my Italian coin necklace) as Jade, and the only thing I could think of was radiant health. When you first walked up, I just knew that peace was your portion and your cup, and it’s yours.

I’m seeing that you have been in a place, but God’s taking you, even right this week, He’s giving you a new vision. You have been to a place, a dry place, and now you’re just coming out of where you were, and it’s a newness of spirit, and I see in the spirit that you’re more than willing to embrace it, you’re ready to make the move. Your eagerness and desire to make the move will make the move faster. I see God catapulting you quickly because of your openness of heart and your openness of spirit to where He can give you more. He can give you much more in a much shorter period of time and this is happening even while we speak. We just see it growing in you that your willingness has caused God to move toward you and closer than He’s ever been before.

I would like to add about the trickling of the water, it’s some of the purest water, it’s the freshest and it tastes the best and you can almost hear it like you can hear the wind blowing in the leaves, it’s like I feel like the Lord’s wooing you and He’s calling you and you can sense it and you can feel it and you can taste it.

It’s not a warning, but it’s sort of kind of a warning. We make vows, we say things out of our mouths and we make vows and God’s like “No! don’t say that!” And so He’s saying right now, don’t say “well I’ll never do that again,” don’t say that, because you never know when He’s going to ask you to do that again. And the thing you saying “I’ll never do that again” is about trusting people, trusting specific people. And He said that the only thing you have to do now, you don’t have to decide if you’re going to trust anybody, all you have to do is trust Him. So that if your ear is on His chest and you hear his heartbeat and He says “trust this person” then you will not have set yourself up with “I’ll never do that again” you see, so just let it go. What happened happened, okay, it is a learning experience, and often times it’s a learning experience of putting our trust in man and not in trusting God. And so He says “just turn your gaze to me, I’ll keep you safe and protected in this newness” I mean, there’s just such a springtime for you now, cause that’s what I heard, I heard the cracking of the ice. That’s pretty cool. So just stay next to Him and don’t say things that He’ll have to change in you later

You look good…you look good in the spirit, this is the brightest I’ve seen you in a long time.

"Bucket List"

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 01:59:43 GMT

I made a list a long time ago of things I want to do before I die. I wanted to make it 100 things, but I haven't come up with that many yet. Some I have already finished (which I will cross out)

1. Make a cake and decorate it with fondant icing
2. Throw a dinner party
3. Go to Italy
4. Make an item of clothing
5. Register to vote
6. Swim with dolphins
7. Graduate college
8. Scuba dive
9. Read the Bible cover to cover
10. Go to New York
11. Go on a cruise
12. Donate blood
13. Cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner all in one day
14. Get over my fear of needles and pierce the top part of my ear
15. Dye my hair
16. Go on a picnic
17. Have a caricature drawn
18. Write a book
19. Go on a hot air balloon ride
20. Memorize all 50 states
21. Read all of Frank Peretti's books (I'm close on this one so it's half scratched out)
22. Get a "real job"
23. Go to and graduate from grad school
24. Give a speech
25. Collect something
26. Go underwater without holding my nose
27. Ride a roller coaster
28. Randomly select a book to read at the library
29. Own a fish for more than two weeks
30. Visit all 50 states
31. Learn to communicate in a different language
32. Make a reading list and read all the books on there
33. Go to summer school
34. Go on a mission trip to another counrty
35. Paint a picture
36. Build a bird house
37. Take a nonverbal communications class
38. Go fishing
39. Waterski
40. Go skiing
41. Write a newspaper article and have it published
42. Say something random to a complete stranger just to see their reaction
43. Walk in the rain and not care if I get wet
44. Get a bear hug from Robert Pattinson :) lol...that one's for you Niki
45. Read a how-to book on how to make something and then do it
46. Watch a meteor shower
47. Carve a pumpkin
48. Take a day trip somewhere fun with some girlfriends
49. Have a tea party
50. Take a ride in a 1950 Ford Thunderbird (the car of my dreams)
51. Ride a motorcycle
52. Go on a safari

That's all I have for now, but one day I'll come up with 48 more things and I'll give ya'll an update

Monday, October 20, 2008

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 22:42:31 GMT

First of all, my brain is overwhelmed by all the stuff that has been going on lately so I'm just gonna type random stuff to get it out of my head:

1. my computer still isn't working even though I tried to restore it.
2. my dad fixed my car and that's a good thing
3. elevators are really awkward and great places to do social experiments...more on this later.
4. I was able to make up my sociology midterm that I slept through last week but I don't think I did too well on it
5. I want to carve a pumpkin
6. I'm in love with a teenage vampire :)
7. I am no longer in denial
8. I miss my flat iron :(
9. I would really like some sushi right now

ok so now that I've gotten that out let me tell you about what I observed on the elevator today...there were 4 ppl...2 getting off on the second floor and 2 getting off on the 3rd floor. the elevator was stopped, but the doors had not yet opened, and the girl was on the back wall, but she wouldn't actually start walking until the doors were open. It's as if the wall she was standing next to was her security blanket and she felt like if she left it before the doors opened, she would be standing there with nothing to hold on to...thus leaving her vulnerable. I found that strange, but something we all do. Also, as the elevator is going up, everyone is looking at the door. This is funny to me because the door is not going to do anything but be a door. Why do we feel the need to avoid eye contact?
Anyway, that's what I noticed today and I thought it was funny. Being into sociology, I find it amusing to look at the way humans interact and try and figure out why people act that way. Why is the wall a security blanket? Why would we feel vulnerable if we were standing in the middle of ppl waiting for a door to open? Why can't we look at one another without feeling awkward?

Also this weekend, I came out of denial. there was something even I didn't want to admit, but I told a few friends this weekend. It felt good to get it off my chest, but then I had to come to grips with the fact that it was true...lol Can't say more about this yet, but if I can, I'll let you know so I can stop being ambiguous.

This seems to be a popular topic: where I was a year ago....

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 22:40:23 GMT

I've been seeing a lot of posts reflecting on the past year, so I figured...let me jump on this band wagon :)
The particular date today has no significant meaning to me....well it has a meaning but it's not a good one and we won't get into that here.
But this time last year was a significant time in my life.

Last year I was...
1. Being torn in two between what I wanted to do and what I knew I had to do. That's a rough place to be...your selfish desires telling you to do one thing, but your conscience knows what's right. If you've never had this dilemma, I pray that you never do because it's not fun. Your conscience is always right, but following that is usually what hurts, but in the end, it's for the best...if that makes any sense. Following selfish desires may be fun at first, but if you continue to go that way, you will get hurt in the end.

2. I was further from God than I've ever been. I think I knew it and was oblivious to it at the same time. I knew something wasn't right but I couldn't figure out (in my earthly brain) what was wrong. I believe my spirit knew what was wrong and was craving God, but my earthly senses were shut down.

3. I was on an "affection fast." I knew that me and Brandon were too close emotionally, and I thought that if we cooled things off physically and acted like friends instead of bf/gf for a month then it would weaken the tie we had to each other. I had acknowledged there was a soul tie, and I was trying to break it without breaking it. There are five stages of grief. At this time in the year, I was on the bargaining phase...trying to do things and make compromises to keep what I wanted....dumb idea never do that.

4. I was confused and frustrated.

5. I was lonely. Even if I was in a big crowd of people I felt lonely. I was also disconnected from people. The college group had fallen apart and there was no longer that place to do during the middle of the week to see friends and fellowship together.

A year later I look back at who I was and I don't recognize that girl. A year later, I have learned to let go and move on. I have learned that a person can survive a broken heart. I am also thankful that I have a God who is there to pick me up and put me back together when I feel helpless. I have made some awesome friends, and I am so thankful for them..they are hilarious and I love every minute I get to spend with them. I've never had that kind of friendship...usually with a group of girls that are friends, there is drama and there is jealousy and favoritism among the group, but I can honestly say that there is none of that with these girls. Everytime we see each other, it's just pure fun. They are so sweet and amazingly witty. I feel blessed to be here and thankful that God has begun to bless me more than I could have ever imagined possible. The college group has come back. We are missing a few of the originals and that's sad, but we have new people that have come, and that's a good thing. It's not exactly like it was, but it's still a good thing.

Last year, I felt like I was living in a rain storm, but this year, even when its raining...I see sun.